Romance is a nebulous thing with the curious property of being describable but not definable.I won't muck with your head and try to suggest there's an ultimate definitive definition out there. Some people will try to do just that and come up with some tidy little definition, like, "Romance is showing you care." Sure, it sounds good at first, but although draping your coat over a puddle and asking if she remembered to brush her teeth that morning may be actions triggered by this same motivation, they rate distinctly differently on the romance scale.
Although it's not so much a definition, as it is no more precise than the word "romance" itself, one way to describe romance succinctly is "what women want out of a relationship." In other words, men aren't romantic, and if you're a man, that's why you need this guide. If you're a woman, of course, you were born with an innate knowledge of this stuff and need not read further.
But though romance may not be definable, there are still some hard fast rules. Below, i have documented many of the atomic elements of romance. Mix these ingredients up, and you've got it.
o Intrinsic Romance
Some things are inherently romantic, like hearts. This is very useful, because you can pile things upon the object of your affections and win romance points without expending any additional effort or thought. The trick is to figure out what is romantic and what is not. There is a basic rule of thumb to follow: if it's cool, it's not romantic. For example, high powered rifles are not romantic. Science fiction is not romantic. DVD players are not romantic unless they're playing Sleepless In Seattle.
But a whole ton of things are intrinsically romantic, and you should use them to your advantage.
o Cute Things
Teddy bears are romantic. Puppies are romantic. Cherubic baby archers are romantic. Those photographs where two little kids exhibit an unnatural affection for each other and only the roses are in color are romantic.
Taking advantage of the intrinsic romance in cute things obviously depends upon recognizing which things are cute. The rule is simple. Small things are cute. If you see a food product in a grocery store that comes in a smaller package than usual, get it, because there's a very good chance it's cute. The same goes for travel size shampoo, toothpaste, and so on. Find a store that sells doll house stuff, and your supply of cute things can be limitless.
o Low Light
Candles are romantic. Sunrises and sunsets are romantic. Any kind of low light, you see, is romantic, hence why dinner dates after dark are more romantic than lunch dates at noon. Combine low light sources, and it stands to reason that the air of romance will be so thick, your beloved will be blind to anything else but the radiance of her shimmering knight in armor. Open the curtains on a sunset and light some candles, and you might even be able to get away with watching a football game during dinner.
o Red
Red is romantic, because red is the color of love and passion. Consider roses. Red roses mean, "I love you." Yellow roses mean, "Let's just be friends," which is synonymous with, "You are irritating, and I hate you." So you do not want to be wrong. Get her red roses, red ribbons, red balloons, red teddy bears, red puppies, and red tickets to the World Series, and she'll fall hopelessly under your spell.
o Background Music
Background music is romantic, and note the word "background," because not just any music is romantic. For music to be romantic, it must be too soft to hear. Also, it may not be lively or funny or good. Elevator music is the most romantic genre of music out there.
o Chocolates
Chocolates are not only romantic, they're complimentary. When you give a box of chocolates to your beloved, it says, "You could pig out on this tub of lard and bloat out to three tons, but you'd still be the apple of my eye." It doesn't matter if it's true -- it's the message that counts. But the real reason to give your loved one chocolates is because any loved one worth her salt will turn right around and offer you some. It's a win-win no matter how you look at it. Buy her a red one shaped like a heart, and you're in like Flynn.
o Fancy Curly Things
Flair and flourishes are romantic. Whenever you get her a greeting card, get one of the ones with all the curly pink scribbles on it. When you write her letters, make the tails of the 'g's and 'y's really long and the loops in the 'd's and 'b's and 'p's really big. That's way romantic. Notice how romantic the title banner at the top of this page is? The 'R' is particularly romantic, because it's red.
o The Most Intrinsically Romantic Thing Ever
Based on the data above, the single most romantic thing in the universe can be calculated scientifically. It is, simply, a small red candle made out of chocolate and shaped like a teddy bear holding a heart with scribbles all over it that plays a tune when you wind it up. Toss her one of these at sunset on your way to a frat party, and you'll be able to stay out all night and still strengthen your relationship.
o Impracticality
Practical things are not romantic. Why do you think blenders and toaster ovens are so notoriously unromantic? Because they have an alternative use, of course. But get her a poofy thing that sits on her dresser behind her jewelry box, never to be touched or moved again, and she'll melt in your arms.
o Personal Stuff
Romance is personal. To be romantic, you must be perso
