and Influence People was SMILE! His edict has been echoed each
decade by practically every communications guru who ever put
pen to paper or mouth to microphone. However, at the turn of
the millennium, it’s high time we reexamine the role of the smile
in high-level human relations. When you dig deeper into Dale’s
dictum, you’ll find a 1936 quick smile doesn’t always work. Espe-
cially nowadays.
The old-fashioned instant grin carries no weight with today’s
sophisticated crowd. Look at world leaders, negotiators, and cor-
porate giants. Not a smiling sycophant among them. Key players
in all walks of life enrich their smile so, when it does erupt, it has
more potency and the world smiles with them.
Researchers have catalogued dozens of different types of
smiles. They range from the tight rubber band of a trapped liar to
the soft squishy smile of a tickled infant. Some smiles are warm
while others are cold. There are real smiles and fake smiles. (You’ve
seen plenty of those plastered on the faces of friends who say they’re
“delighted you decided to drop by,” and presidential candidates vis-
iting your city who say they’re “thrilled to be in, uh . . . uh. . . .”)
Big winners know their smile is one of their most powerful
weapons, so they’ve fine-tuned it for maximum impact.
How to Fine-Tune Your Smile
Just last year, my old college friend Missy took over her family
business, a Midwestern company supplying corrugated boxes to
manufacturers. One day she called saying she was coming to New
York to court new clients and she invited me to dinner with sev-
eral of her prospects. I was looking forward to once again seeing
my friend’s quicksilver smile and hearing her contagious laugh.
Missy was an incurable giggler, and that was part of her charm.
When her Dad passed away last year, she told me she was tak-
ing over the business. I thought Missy’s personality was a little
bubbly to be a CEO in a tough business. But, hey, what do I know
about the corrugated box biz?
She, three of her potential clients, and I met in the cocktail
lounge of a midtown restaurant and, as we led them into the din-
ing room, Missy whispered in my ear, “Please call me Melissa
tonight.”
“Of course,” I winked back, “not many company presidents
are called Missy!” Soon after the maître d’ seated us, I began notic-
ing Melissa was a very different woman from the giggling girl I’d
known in college. She was just as charming; she smiled as much
as ever. Yet something was different. I couldn’t quite put my fin-
ger on it.
Although she was still effervescent, I had the distinct impres-
sion everything Melissa said was more insightful and sincere. She
was responding with genuine warmth to her prospective clients,
and I could tell they liked her, too. I was thrilled because my
friend was scoring a knockout that night. By the end of the eve-
ning, Melissa had three big new clients.
Afterward, alone with her in the cab, I said, “Missy, you’ve
really come a long way since you took over the company. Your
whole personality has developed, well, a really cool, sharp corpo-
rate edge.”
“Uh uh, only one thing has changed,” she said.
“What’s that?”
“My smile,” she said.
“Your what?” I asked incredulously.
“My smile,” she repeated as though I hadn’t heard her. “You
see,” she said, with a distant look coming into her eyes, “when Dad
got sick and knew in a few years I’d have to take over the business,
he sat me down and had a life-changing conversation with me. I’ll
never forget his words. Dad said, ‘Missy, Honey, remember that
old song, “I Loves Ya, Honey, But Yer Feet’s Too Big”? Well, if
you’re going to make it big in the box business, let me say, “I loves
ya, Honey, but your smile’s too quick.”’
“He then brought out a yellowed newspaper article quoting a
study he’d been saving to show me when the time was right. It con-
cerned women in business. The study showed women who were
slower to smile in corporate life were perceived as more credible.”
As Missy talked, I began to think about history-making
women like Margaret Thatcher, Indira Gandhi, Golda Meir,
Madeleine Albright, and other powerful women of their ilk. Not
one was known for her quick smile.
Missy continued, “The study went on to say a big, warm smile
is an asset. But only when it comes a little slower, because then it
has more credibility.” From that moment on, Missy explained, she
gave clients and business associates her big smile. However, she
trained her lips to erupt more slowly. Thus her smile appeared
more sincere and personalized for the recipient.
That was it! Missy’s slower smile gave her personality a richer,
deeper, more sincere cachet. Though the delay was less than a sec-
ond, the recipients of her beautiful big smile felt it was special and
just for them.
I decided to do more research on the smile. When you’re in
the market for shoes, you begin to look at everyone’s feet. When
you decide to change your hairstyle, you look at everyone’s hair-
cut. Well, for several months, I became a steady smile watcher. I
watched smiles on the street. I watched smiles on TV. I watched
the smiles of politicians, the clergy, corporate giants, and world
leaders. My findings? Amid the sea of flashing teeth and parting
lips, I discovered the people perceived to have the most credibil-
ity and integrity were just ever so slower to smile. Then, when they
did, their smiles seemed to seep into every crevice of their faces
and envelop them like a slow flood. Thus I call the following tech-
nique “The Flooding Smile.”
Technique #1
The Flooding Smile
Don’t flash an immediate smile when you greet
someone, as though anyone who walked into your line
of sight would be the beneficiary. Instead, look at the
other person’s face for a second. Pause. Soak in their
persona. Then let a big, warm, responsive smile flood
over your face and overflow into your eyes. It will
engulf the recipient like a warm wave. The split-second
delay convinces people your flooding smile is genuine
and only for them.
Let us now travel but a few inches north to two of the most
powerful communications tools you possess, your eyes.
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